fawk ma leaf!

So my sister is moving to Lancaster this week. im scared because we've been growing closer and closer to eachother lately. and im not going to see my little nephew Riley smiley as often anymo! ive been thinking deep about them moving so far, but i cant be sad about it. there is no way i cannot be proud of my sisters family. theyre strong. i hope she knows how much i love her.

i wrote this piece about a week ago called:

"FUCK MA LEAF"
you're invading my privacy
im like, what are you on?
like what are you tryin to do?
i dont need to hide shit, do you?
my intentions are high and i keep them right from wrong
im big, youre small
so i can say im better, so i can walk tall
im sittin in my room all day staring at the wall
like if i hav somethin to do, ima do it, and ima do it well
i dont care about the smoke that smells
if it bothers you, tell me whats up
talk to me, because ill listen to the complaining
but why are you invading my privacy?
ill sit here laughin and laughin like a raccoon and acid
friends they come and friends they go
some are good, and some who knows?
they make the fears go away, so i smoke a bowl
and then thats when i feel all right
i look to the sky to feel alright, im so ready!
so stare at me one more time, you might hav missed somethin sneaky
can you rewind? take a stab at it one more time?
let me say this again, im sittin in my room all day staring at a wall

glee club

oh, you make me so cheeeerrfullll.

donut ya wanta donut?

tab of alice

im sitting in the silence of my sisters dark living room right now. this week has been really ravenous. i feel like i need to realize my true instinct and stick to it. because i know im always confused about something i shouldnt be. i get stuck in moments where i keep thinking about the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over againn like i have OCD, which fucking scares me because i dont wanna be thee weird dood that people look at and be like, wtf is up with that guy? i doubt it. but here i go worrying about what people think about me. whats wrong with me? i keep finding different flaws every time it passes my mind.
so here is a proposal i made to myself: i will not judge, nor will i ever judge my self-image.
its stupid and childish of me, but its something that has been bothering me. i've always been myself, but lately ive been feeling empty and incomplete. and i know why also. this one girl got the best of me and i let myself get the best of her. but the best isn't what i want to contest. i want something greater than the both of us. something i can call our own. i let her into my kingdom but her queen attitude took over (idk if that makes sense.) i am a very capable person and i think (like she told me before) i deserve a lot better.
im not much into partying anymore, i dont drink often, im still dreading school even though its the only thing i have going on right now, i dont have many friends which im perfectly fine with, i dont have much to even offer a girlfriend. which brings me to another argument... why the fuck did she even love me? what do i have that she wants? how good of a man was i to my girl? yeah, im happy to say she was my girl for over 4 years. we fought our battles and conquered our dragons for that long to figure out that she cant stand me anymore. it breaks my heart that what was once perfect in my eyes is now waiting to be a part of my past. i've talked to my friends about it, i talked to my family but there is only two people to decide the fate of a relationship. (wait let me take that back... some bitches decided to spread dirty false rumors about me). like im some sort if fuckin chump. so i guess two people dont have fate in a single relationship.
i am not a dishonest person, and thats what she knew best of me.

and she told me to stop calling. but i ignored that petty shit and called her every night until she said "i need a life". but baby, YOU ARE MY LIFE.

aint no mo'. shs wae gonne ba the one tw shoo me the way

"different language"
girl are you feelin me? why cant you see?
these images are compelling me. i cannot help it
but i cant picture you with somebody else
you said you dont want to be a stranger
but you went ahead and called me, go far away, go danger.
you said you dont want to be a stranger
but you went ahead and broke up with me, go danger.

i watched a euro movie today called "a girl cut in two". then i was reminded of something meaningless

distractions disable action

escape away, another phrase i always say
my mama always told me that the world is very lonely. (where should i go, what should i do?)
that love isnt for everybody, people see how they wana see and thats just the way its gonna be
people you meet will fill your day with smiles, but most of its all phony, it takes awhile (where should i go, what should i say?).
so live your life how you wana be
so live your life how you wana be
because you should see love how you wana see
the ones you let into your life, make sure theyre nice and make you do right
because if theyre as close as your family. theyre willing to sacrifice and make it all right
a parent should never have their baby taken away
go find a girl and make one today, nah it aint like that. they said 'you have to understand'
life is like a movie and youre right there on the front screen
you told me you want everything, if everything isnt me then i dont know thats supose to mean
if you're havin trouble finding what to say then maybe you should walk away
but baby, if youre feelin me maybe we should hit the sheets
i dont know much about football but whenever i hit that you keep runnin back
this isnt me jokin around cuz you know how i am, you're big im small, you never even call.
yeahsir im throwin that out. so dont ever ever ever recall what you heard or what you think because time will always tell what matters most to me. and time always tells me to be with you, as much as i know that im better, yeah im better.
so babygirl, let me fill your day with happyness, because you never know what youre going to miss. kiss and make up isnt always an option, distractions disable action, if your not following threw there aint no use.
girl i hope you understand what im trying to say
its just a little song from my heart broke
once the thought process is over we're back into the game, throw on our 5 karot championship ring.
because when you're ready to go ill be wait-ing

when did you start caring?

how does a singer live underground? this isnt the beginning of a stupid joke. because under the clouds, there is land. beneath that land lies another ground thats hotter and not fit for a human being. silly girls like helpless boys, those silly girls want to live on another world. but once that boy walks away, walks away, walks away the world will fall, the world will fall. silly girls like clueless men, they drink their beer then light their cigarettes, they smoke their weed. but every so often they fall down deep.
she should walk away,
she should walk away
silly little girl living in another world. wondering when she'll get her words through. silly little girl living in another world, there are no trees, just enormous living bees. how much love do i have left? have you ever wondered how many people you know? how much love is left in them? all these questions are unknown. kiss me, pick up your cigarette then kiss me. meet me by your eyeballs, oh you know you're so sweetly under my breath. do you ever wonder? no no no, you never know. no no you'll never know.
she will walk away
how does it feel?
she will walk away
and its times like these when every moment makes you wonder

salsa burn

all in all, you say that your done but maybe its better if i run, away from you baby becuz you know how im feelin. we keep turning around around around around. i can tell by the way you move your hips youve been in and out my pants like pocket change. if you dont know where you goin than just put an hour glass on the counter. but i wont wait for long, you got me pouting like a damn baby, thats wrong. if youre looking for a new man, it wont be long till he takes off your pants. because i know how you are, i know how you is. but when he talks good bout exactly the way i use to. sayin "she moans for awhile then squeals in the shower, damn that girl, i could smash her for hours.." because you have what i want, but thats not all you got. and thats my point babe, because when im talking to a girl you get off like im tryin to leave my world. baby youre my world and if im ever gonna leave you should know this girl: .......I WONT. because it wont be long till he takes off your pants. because i know how you are, i know how you is. then he'll talk about how much he liked that one night. but i might come into your mind like, that night was allllllllright. and then you'll remember how often we used to fight. but before he starts talkin about the hype, remember, i taught her that thing you like.

baby come back

I haven't cried this much since she told me she wants to carry my children.

ive been falling threw a steel wired fence for too many years. this is going to be pretty difficult for me to even post this crap (even though i dont consider this crap, you, the reader probably do). ive been going in&out of (not only going through one, but growing into..) a relationship with Vanessa Gomez. At the end of 2009 will be the most long awaited 6 years of being in Love. yeah, within those years we've been broken up for probably a year total but it still felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend during that time. but anyway. we started out on a very steady pace when we met. I met her my freshman year of highschool after Robert told me about some cute chick i'd probably be interested in. And oh girl was she interesting as fuck, haha.

[[...to be continued..]]

alice fell

dude, Alice In Wonderland in a 3D aspect!! Tim Burton is an imaginary genious, i cant wait for this to come out next year. and Thee Johnny Depp is the Mad Hatter. look n' ILLLL

bayy bay

where the fuck did my drum set go? i want my hobby back mthRfuckR!!

doses from roses

oh man summer feels really good right now. i have so much to look forward to these next couple months. College is super easy, im slicing and dicing up my options and picking what is right for myself. i think my decisions are going to be settling. I can't wait to see where i get myself next year. My friends mean a lot to me. Darrell, traci, cookie, adam, buddha, and raul have helped me realize the person i am.
im really happy to know that my relationship with vanessa is sprawling into a settlement into an entire new journey of life beyond it self. im ecstatic to find out where we will end up in the near future. As long as shes happy, im happy. and when we're both happy.. trust me, its noticable. hahah
my girl is one of a kind heart warmer, stubborn in her mind, but i know shes just being herself. there is no way i can treat another girl how i treated my high school sweet spot. im in love with her.

other than school, family, my girl, and friends. life is pretty fuckin dope

i gotta dose of thee dopeness