im sitting in the silence of my sisters dark living room right now. this week has been really ravenous. i feel like i need to realize my true instinct and stick to it. because i know im always confused about something i shouldnt be. i get stuck in moments where i keep thinking about the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over againn like i have OCD, which fucking scares me because i dont wanna be thee weird dood that people look at and be like, wtf is up with that guy? i doubt it. but here i go worrying about what people think about me. whats wrong with me? i keep finding different flaws every time it passes my mind.
so here is a proposal i made to myself: i will not judge, nor will i ever judge my self-image.
its stupid and childish of me, but its something that has been bothering me. i've always been myself, but lately ive been feeling empty and incomplete. and i know why also. this one girl got the best of me and i let myself get the best of her. but the best isn't what i want to contest. i want something greater than the both of us. something i can call our own. i let her into my kingdom but her queen attitude took over (idk if that makes sense.) i am a very capable person and i think (like she told me before) i deserve a lot better.
im not much into partying anymore, i dont drink often, im still dreading school even though its the only thing i have going on right now, i dont have many friends which im perfectly fine with, i dont have much to even offer a girlfriend. which brings me to another argument... why the fuck did she even love me? what do i have that she wants? how good of a man was i to my girl? yeah, im happy to say she was my girl for over 4 years. we fought our battles and conquered our dragons for that long to figure out that she cant stand me anymore. it breaks my heart that what was once perfect in my eyes is now waiting to be a part of my past. i've talked to my friends about it, i talked to my family but there is only two people to decide the fate of a relationship. (wait let me take that back... some bitches decided to spread dirty false rumors about me). like im some sort if fuckin chump. so i guess two people dont have fate in a single relationship.
i am not a dishonest person, and thats what she knew best of me.
and she told me to stop calling. but i ignored that petty shit and called her every night until she said "i need a life". but baby, YOU ARE MY LIFE.
aint no mo'. shs wae gonne ba the one tw shoo me the way
"different language"
girl are you feelin me? why cant you see?
these images are compelling me. i cannot help it
but i cant picture you with somebody else
you said you dont want to be a stranger
but you went ahead and called me, go far away, go danger.
you said you dont want to be a stranger
but you went ahead and broke up with me, go danger.
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You have so much to offer, more than I think you realize. You have so much to be confident about. And there's so much you're going to do with your life. Things are going to be what you make them, and how you handle them. No one should be able to control your emotions anymore than you do. You need to be happy on your own, before you can let someone in to share it with, and sometimes I think a lot of us look past that and that is a reason why we sometimes let ourselves fall down. But focus on what you want, do what you want, take care of your needs, and you're gonna look back and see how much everything was worth it no matter the outcome. You're going to do great things, I know you are. And I don't know if this matters at all to you right now? But I hope it does. Because I want my best friend to be happy and to realize what he has to offer and be proud of.
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